IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the
overall
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 of minutes (in billions) of
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls in Australia,
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 into three segments,between 2001-2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,the local
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls in Australia are the highest among other categories,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
mobile
show examples
are
Check wording
calls are
show examples
 the lowest.
This
Linking Words
 effect comes from the use of technology at the time between 2001-2008
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of released
mobiles
Check wording
apply
show examples
compared with local telephones. In terms of local
telephone
Use synonyms
,the
number
Use synonyms
 of minutes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2005 from 72 to 90
respectivley
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 after the year
2005
Add a comma
2005,
show examples
 it showed a direct decrease to 72.Another
segnificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 increase was the
mobilies
Correct your spelling
mobiles
.Mobile
Use synonyms
telephone
Fix the agreement mistake
telephones
show examples
 have increased
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 20 times since 2001
marking
Punctuation problem
, marking
show examples
 a new hope
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the technical industry.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,national and international
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 a constant
raise
Use the right word
rise
show examples
 from 38 to 61
adding
Punctuation problem
, adding
show examples
 4 to 5 minutes yearly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that might be because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of trades in the modern world.The chart here
highlighted
Wrong verb form
highlights
show examples
 a crucial point that the age of local telephones is
near to
Wrong verb form
nearing
show examples
 an end, and mobile phones are the new visitors.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, telephone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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