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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000.

This
Linking Words
 graph shows the number of
parcels
Use synonyms
 delivered by Federal Express, known as
FedEx
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 , and
TNT
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 mail services from 1930 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
FedEx
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 parcel services reached their peak by delivering approximately 25,000
parcels
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 in the 1940s and reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest in the 1950s and 1960s as they delivered a rough amount of 12,500 in each decade. All in all,
FedEx
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's performance has plummeted significantly and slightly recovered in the coming
years
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 from 1970 to 2000 compared to their earlier
years
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 between 1920 to 1930.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
TNT
Use synonyms
 shows a steady incline in their services over the
years
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.
TNT
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 started small by delivering a rough estimate of 5100
parcels
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 in 1920, with a slight increase in 1930. As they progress each decade after that,
TNT
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 was able to hold a steady increase every two decades , with a slight dip in the 1970s compared to its previous decade. After 1980,
TNT
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 shows a great increase in their business as they delivered 22,000 in 1990, and reached close to 25,000
parcels
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 in 2000.
TNT
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 in 2000 was able to slightly surpass
FedEx
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's record in 1940 by delivering slightly below 25,000. As
FedEx
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 had a rough journey across the
years
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, as they never recovered after the 1950 fall,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
TNT
Use synonyms
 was able to grow their business slowly into a booming business by the 2000s.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words parcels, fedex, tnt, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 5 times.
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