IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Give reasons and suggest some solutions

In the modern era, crime levels continue increasing
through
Change preposition
among
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 the young generation in all well-developed cities around the world
due to
Linking Words
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 technology and
life styles
Use the right word
lifestyles
show examples
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 following paragraph will explain the main causes and solutions
according to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary causes are
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of parental supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
child
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 job and household responsibilities, parents are often too busy with their jobs, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they find it difficult to get time to communicate and share some knowledge with their
child
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, fast-paced society, youngsters want to live a modern lifestyle,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
but
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 they do not have jobs
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 money, so they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their dream. For
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
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 life, they move toward
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illegal activities and theft.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
Teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 want to fully set with their friend mindset rather than family; so mostly, they often spend time with their friends at school and
influenced
Verb problem
are influenced
show examples
 by them and attracted to parties and social
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. These problems need to be solved by some solutions, first and foremostly, parents should spend more time with their
child
Use synonyms
 and teach to
child
Use synonyms
 some moral
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 at home.
Additionally
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, governments need a focus on employment
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they could develop some certification and training programs so children can get enough practical and theoretical knowledge and can gain experience, which is useful to find job opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they allocate more police in high crime areas, so they can arrest immediately and take appropriate action in front of them, which can show awareness. In conclusion, youth crime is growing day by day
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of guidance, social attraction and illegal activities.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be controlled by governments, families, and schools.

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task response
Be clear on your view and make it easy to follow. State the cause first, then give one strong solution for each cause. Do not wander from the main idea.
structure
Use a clear plan: one paragraph for causes, one for solutions, one for conclusion. Each paragraph should have a topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words (and, also, but, then). Use transitions to show how ideas are linked.
grammar
Keep sentences short and avoid long, run-on sentences. Check grammar and word form.
content
Add at least one concrete example to support a point, even a short example like 'in city X' or 'in the last year'.
structure
The topic is clear: crime among young people, with causes and solutions.
coherence
The writer tries to give a plan and closing summary.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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