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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph belows shows the number of tourists visiting a particular caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

The given bar chart depicts the percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visited a specific
caribbean
Fix capitalization
Caribbean
show examples
island
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ratio of
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 top among the others
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 was a fluctuation in
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 . It was
also
Linking Words
notice
Wrong verb form
noticed
show examples
that the proportion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visit
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 was highest.
According to
Linking Words
 what is
shown
Punctuation problem
shown,
show examples
 the total number of
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increased
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 3.5 million
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was among the
Correct word choice
highest all
show examples
all of
Correct word order
of all
show examples
 others .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 variation
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 between two consecutive years from 2015 to 2016 and does not
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it went on
increased
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 there was
up
Correct article usage
an up
show examples
 and
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
show examples
 for those
visitors
Use synonyms
 who
staying
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 its data
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 years
2013
Punctuation problem
2013,
show examples
 2014
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 2015. In the
last
Linking Words
 from starting in 2010 about 0.3 million people
staying
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 on cruise
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
after
Punctuation problem
. After
show examples
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it increased in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year after
that for
Correct determiner usage
For
show examples
 a temporary
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 it
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it
went
Verb problem
continued
show examples
on increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, island with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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