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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In today’s rapidly evolving world, it is crucial for some
people
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 to own a home,
while
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 their opponents suppose that it is not that important to have one. From my personal point of view, it is a negative
situation
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;
therefore
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, some reasons, examples and a logical conclusion will be provided.
Firstly
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,
this
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 is a materialistic opinion that illustrates that
people
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 tend to value financial evidence of success more nowadays. Evidently, members of society who believe in the Importance of owning an accommodation suppose that buying a flat or a house is crucial to live
further
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.
For instance
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, the older generation in the
Post-Soviet
Use the right word
post-Soviet
show examples
 Union tends to believe that you are not intelligent or financially educated enough if you do not own a bungalow.
However
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, they do not understand that young adults believe that emotional satisfaction of visiting other countries,
such
Linking Words
 as France, England or the USA, is more valuable for them.
Thus
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, they start blaming the younger generation for incompetence.
Secondly
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, social separation becomes a matter. It is noteworthy that the inflation rate is growing
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results in
people
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 not being able to get a household even if they want and try to buy it.
For instance
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, it is hard for
people
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 in South Korea to buy a flat (the territory of the country is small;
hence
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, the prices are high and are becoming even higher because of the economic
situation
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). Evidently,
this
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 has become a problem, as there is a tendency to believe that you cannot have a full family in
this
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 case.
As a result
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,
people
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 who are rich enough to have an apartment do not want to connect their lives with the
people
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 who cannot;
this
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 results in social inequality. In conclusion, it is necessary to note that
this
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situation
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 has more drawbacks than advantages. The most crucial are materialistic views and social separation; the former leads to concentrating only on the financial side of life,
whereas
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 the latter brings back something that was forgotten.
Thus
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, in my opinion, it is a negative
situation
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.

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scope
Use both views. The task asks why owning a home can be seen as important and if this is good or bad. Talk about both sides and then give your view.
structure
Make clear topic rule at the start of each paragraph. Each paragraph should show one main idea and tie to the next part.
development
Add more detail to the example. Say why it matters and how it shows your idea.
language
Fix small grammar and use short, direct sentences to be clear.
stance
The writer shows a clear view at the end and sums up the idea.
content
There is a clear attempt to give reasons and use examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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