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Band 5.5

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects.others believe it is more importantto give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification

#university #students #subjects #addition #importantto #time #attention #qualification
There have been vast advances in most aspects of people's lives especially in the education field. Some
university
students
 believe that learning a different subject
besides
 their main
university
 major is essential.
On the contrary
, there are another group who claim that the main aim of going to
university
 is studying for related
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
. I strongly support the view of the first group. I would like to start off my discussion
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 writing about the benefits of learning
dinnerent
Correct your spelling
different
 subjects simultaneously with the main
university
 course. Nowadays,
due to
 the improvements in science and technology, people encounter more issues in their
everydays
Correct your spelling
everyday
 lives which force them to learn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety of skills to be able to tackle those immense problems.
Moreover
,
students
 spend almost four of their best years at universities
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them lots of time and
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to increase their knowledge in different fields
specially
Rephrase
especially
show examples
 those regarding the application of modern technology to utilize that
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.
On the other hand
, another point of view argues that the main purpose of going to
university
 is to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in one single major to become
master
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
 and professional in one field. We can not deny the specific aim of studying for higher degrees. Meanwhile, it should
be keep
Change the verb form
be kept
show examples
 in mind that people have different intellectual capacities,
accordingly
, expecting all the
students
 to follow different subjects
along with
 their main
university
 course is not realistic and each individual student is responsible for their decisions and the path they choose during their studies. To summarize, based on what is discussed above,
students
 with different
skillsets
Correct your spelling
skill sets
show examples
 and capacities have different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about either
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 subject
along with
 their
university
 or merely
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on their main course and
master on
Replace the word
mastering
show examples
 that. As it is mentioned I agree with the former.
Submitted by bryan.dasco on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and adequately responds to the prompt. To improve your score, consider integrating more specific examples and evidence to support your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to enhance readability and flow, be mindful of transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, showing a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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