IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The bar chart describes the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad between 1985 and
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the line graph shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists going to
Australia
Use synonyms
, in the same time period. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 abroad,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of them going to
Australia
Use synonyms
, increases over
this
Linking Words
 time period.
During
Change preposition
In
show examples
 1985, five million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
 people
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 abroad.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 progressively increased until 11 million
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1990.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, there was a
little
Correct word choice
slight
show examples
 decrease in 1991, followed by a progressive increase until 15.5 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 abroad in 1995. Looking at the line graph,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 people going to
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased from 2% in 1985
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to almost 5% in 1988.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased in 1989
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 4%,
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 a subsequent progressive increase
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6.2% in 1993.
Finally
Linking Words
, there is a
little
Correct word choice
slight
show examples
 decrease
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 6% in 1994. It can be concluded that both,
number
Use synonyms
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 abroad and
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of them going to
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 had similar trends during the same decade.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, percentage, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • decade
  • fluctuation
  • consistent growth
  • market share
  • peak
  • period
  • significant
  • trend
  • indicate
  • tourism industry
What to do next:
Look at other essays: