Today many people use the internet and the smartphones to transfer money to friend, family and business. In this positive or a negative development?

It is an irrefutable fact that technology is updating every moment. The majority of individuals transfer
money
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for different purposes, using the internet
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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and mobile phones.
Overall
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,
this
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is a positive trend.
To begin
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with, online banking and digital payment systems are less time-consuming and more convenient. In the past,
people
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had to wait in a long queue at a bank for transferring
money
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;
however
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, now they can complete
transactions
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within minutes at any time
thanks
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, thanks
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to electronic transfers. Unlike traditional banks, which operate only during working hours, online
transactions
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can be done at any time, even on weekends, making their lives easier and more efficient. To exemplify, Remitly and Google Pay are digital payment platforms available 24 hours
in
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apply
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a day and 7 days
in
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apply
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a week worldwide, enabling citizens to send or receive their
money
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within five minutes.
Furthermore
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, online
transactions
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are highly secure.
While
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travelling to a bank, some thieves steal
people
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's hard-earned
money
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, but their
money
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is securely transferred through
network
Correct article usage
the network
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and mobile phones, reducing the risk of physical robbery.
Although
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there is a minor risk of cyber attack, online banking systems employ advanced security measures to protect users' funds, making them more reliable. To illustrate, in India, some uneducated
people
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have witnessed
of
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apply
show examples
rubbery
,
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apply
show examples
when they are travelling to banks, highlighting the advantages of online
transactions
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.
To conclude
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, transferring
money
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via network and mobile phones can save
people
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's time and provide greater security
of
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for
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their funds, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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one of the main advantages of
this
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scenario.

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content
Be clear on the task and add a short view of bad sides too.
language
Fix grammar and spelling. A simple word like 'robbery' is correct.
content
Give more clear and real examples to back each idea.
structure
Link ideas well and start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence.
content
The writing shows a clear view that online money move is good.
coherence
There are linking words like 'To begin with' and 'Furthermore'.
structure
The end sums up the idea well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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