IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in sevencountries along with the world average in 2ooo and 2o15.

The bar chart illustrates a breakdown of the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in
different seven
Correct word order
seven different
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 countries and the world average in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Armenia's male
smokers
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest figure across the categories in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 in 2015, the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 was occupied by
Cuba'
Check wording
Cuba's
show examples
 male
smokers
Use synonyms
. In terms of 2000, Armenia's male
smokers
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 made up a substantial about 67% of all areas, which was nearly twice the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
Egypt'male
Check wording
Egypt's
show examples
Use synonyms
smokers
Correct word choice
male smokers
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, 35%.
This
Linking Words
 was followed closely by Bangladesh
62
Punctuation problem
, 62
show examples
%, Cuba 53%, and the world average 42%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Mexico's male
smokers
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 was slightly lower, at 36%, and Australia accounted for the smallest portion at 28%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in 2015, the figures for Armenia and Cuba's male
smokers
Use synonyms
 were the same and took up the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
,both standing at 52%,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
proportion
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 was still observed in Australia. Meanwhile, the
percentage
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 of Bangladesh's male
smokers
Use synonyms
 showed a significant decrease from 62% to 38% between 2000 and 2015.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, smokers, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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