IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2ooo and 2o15.

The bar chart illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in seven different
countries
Use synonyms
 and the
world
Use synonyms
 average in 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America
Use synonyms
 and
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 were at the top of the chart with their
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2000
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there were some other
countries
Use synonyms
lower
Change preposition
with lower
show examples
 than others by smoking
percentage
Use synonyms
 that Lebanon,
Egypt
Use synonyms
, Mexico and Australia witnessed
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
 proportion of smoking. There was a change in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in 2015, Americans were around 50-55%, but
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not at the top, it
fallen
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to 35-40%. In 2000,
America
Use synonyms
,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 and
Cuba
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
occupied the top position with their
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
smokers
Use synonyms
.
America
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 around 65-70%,
Correct word choice
and At
show examples
At
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same year with
America
Use synonyms
,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 was around 62-65 %.
Cuba
Use synonyms
 in 2000 was 50-55%.
Use synonyms
World
Correct article usage
The world
show examples
 was 43 or 42% by its
smokers
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 except these 7
countries
Use synonyms
.
Egypt
Use synonyms
 was 35%.
Finally
Linking Words
, Mexico
around
Verb problem
has around
show examples
 35-40%. In 2015,
All
Fix capitalization
all
show examples
 these
Use synonyms
countries
Check wording
countries'
show examples
amount
Correct subject-verb agreement
amounts
show examples
 sharply changed. There were
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 and
Cuba
Use synonyms
.
America
Use synonyms
 was around 52-55%.
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 witnessed
high
Correct word choice
great
show examples
 changes
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
-40%.
Cuba
Use synonyms
 decreased smaller
than
Check wording
amount than
show examples
 others
52
Punctuation problem
, 52
show examples
-53%.
Egypt
Use synonyms
 and Lebanon experienced
high
Correct word choice
great
show examples
 improvement.
Egypt
Use synonyms
 was around 50
percentage
Use synonyms
 and Lebanon around 40-45%. When it comes to
Use synonyms
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
, it witnessed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 decrease
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 35%. Australia and Mexico
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 low
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
-20%. CAN YOU ASSESS
THAT IS
Linking Words

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, smokers, countries, world, america, bangladesh, egypt, cuba with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 8 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: