IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many people in cities live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accommodation have more advantages or disadvantages?

It is clear that
Linking Words
 present
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
 many people in cities live in large
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
, living in large
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
 have more disadvantages because nowadays a lot of large
apartment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
blocks
Fix the agreement mistake
block
show examples
building
Replace the word
buildings
show examples
in
Verb problem
are being built in
show examples
 a few
deadlines
Check wording
time
show examples
, so that has more backwards.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the one hand present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
building
Wrong verb form
are being built
show examples
 at
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
peace
Use the right word
pace
show examples
, because day by
day
Punctuation problem
day,
show examples
 born rates
improving
Verb problem
are improving
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 after some years, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be an amateur
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they want to live without their parents
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they get an
apartment
Use synonyms
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
, and
Change preposition
in, and
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
Use synonyms
apartment
Punctuation problem
apartment,
show examples
has
Verb problem
there are
show examples
 more advantages than a
house
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, heat water, heating system and wi-fi too, and wi-fi is the most valuable thing nowadays for youth and adults too.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
needed things
Correct word order
things needed
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home are
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
 machine,
oven
Correct article usage
an oven
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cooking meals and
AC-air
Correct article usage
an AC-air
show examples
 conditioner
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
season
Fix the agreement mistake
seasons
show examples
, because
AC
Correct article usage
the AC
show examples
 has two systems
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
show examples
 and cooling
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, some people and I believe that
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
 have more disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, present
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
 do not prove their guarantees and their qualities, because they have been
building
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 at
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
peace
Use the right word
pace
show examples
 and builders cannot think about
blocks
Use synonyms
 qualities they just think about
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 frequently and moving to build other ones.
For example
Linking Words
, in my country
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
there
Use the right word
they are
show examples
 building more
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
 very
faster
Rephrase
quickly compared
show examples
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
times
Check wording
apply
show examples
because the government make them hurry and they never think about quality
Punctuation problem
. and
show examples
and these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 buildings
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are 7-8 store
Use synonyms
blocks
Punctuation problem
blocks,
show examples
 were built in 6 or 7 months, and
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 these
actions
Add a comma
actions,
show examples
 nobody can purchase these
blocks
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I prefer to live
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 because safer than
apartment
Use synonyms
blocks
Use synonyms
,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 building
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
Use synonyms
house
Punctuation problem
house,
show examples
 you can stand on the building and builders to make sure
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are building
slowly the
Correct word order
the house slowly
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 as you wish and using guaranteed materials for building.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan a short intro, with a clear view. Then write two clear body parts: one on advantages, one on disadvantages. End with a short conclusion.
structure
Make one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix different ideas in one paragraph.
content
Give simple facts and small examples to back each idea.
grammar
Check grammar and time use. Match verbs and make sentences shorter.
vocabulary
Use common words only. Add simple linking words like and, but, also, then to show links.
content
The essay talks about both sides of the topic.
structure
There is some use of linking words to show idea links.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: