IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that time spent on television and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
resent
Use the right word
recent
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 years, the question of
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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television and
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can be valuable for children has become widely debated. Some people
beliave
Correct your spelling
believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that it can be
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the youth,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 and brings more negative effects on a child. Personally, I
beliave
Correct your spelling
believe
 that everything should be in balance and
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 even
such
Linking Words
 joyful things can teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable lessons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a limited
time
Use synonyms
 spent on the
computer
Use synonyms
 or television can have a positive
perspective
Check wording
impact
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 on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 social, mental and cognitive thinking of a young
one
Check wording
person
show examples
.
However
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, it is
recomended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 to
allowe
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allow
kids
Use synonyms
 to watch TV programs from 3 years old to teach them
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
, animals and numbers. It became a helpful tool in
expleining
Correct your spelling
explaining
a
Correct article usage
apply
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boring information in a
joyfull
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joyful
 and
playfull
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playful
 way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 that
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 many
partisipants
Correct your spelling
participants
 can improve social and language skills.
For instance
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, a friend of mine played
games
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early age and learned English by playing with
kids
Use synonyms
 all over the world.
Also
Linking Words
, he started his first small business by selling
a
Correct article usage
apply
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tools in the popular game Minecraft. So, it is important to look widely at
this
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 question
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if parents have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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strict measures in the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
Use synonyms
games
Punctuation problem
games,
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 it actually can bring
kids
Use synonyms
 so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 aspects.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are many people in fear of the negative sides of unlimited gaming and scrolling.
However
Linking Words
, it is
undenyeble
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 fact that the unlimited and uncontrolled
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 the Internet can develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental problems and
unsocialism
Replace the word
antisocial behaviour
show examples
 in
the child
Check wording
children
show examples
. Nowadays, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 so big
renge
Correct your spelling
range
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different content
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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YouTube that contains
violance
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violence
 and
inapropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
 behaviour which
kids
Use synonyms
 can easily absorb and copy.
For example
Linking Words
, the shooting
games
Use synonyms
 became popular among the youth age of 6-15, which statistically increased
inapropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in schools. In
concusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
due to
Linking Words
 aforementioned reasons, I strongly
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that the
mesured
Correct your spelling
measured
 and highly controlled
usege
Correct your spelling
use
 of the Internet can bring positive
to
Check wording
results to
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 the youth. In today's
Correct your spelling
world
worls
Punctuation problem
worls,
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 it is almost
imposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
 to fully cut the
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 in the
computer
Use synonyms
 and television
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it is important to teach
kids
Use synonyms
 how to safely use it
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own good.

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language
Fix grammar and spelling to make meaning clear.
structure
Plan a clear essay: one paragraph for intro, two for body, one for conclusion.
task response
State your view early and restate it in the end.
language
Use simple sentences and common words to avoid mistakes.
content
Offer precise and real examples that support each point.
content
The writer tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
content
There is a personal view given, and some examples used.
analysis
Some points show cause and effect (time limits, dangers).
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational content
  • stimulate imagination
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • hand-eye coordination
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • tech-driven world
  • screen time
  • social isolation
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • social skills
  • moderate and supervise
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: