IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that hard work helps to achieve financial success, others think there are other things which are needed to get financial success. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, it has become increasingly evident that both hard
work
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 and smart
work
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 play significant roles in achieving financial
success
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.
While
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 some people argue that consistent effort is the key to
success
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, others believe that factors
such
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 as education and strategic planning are equally important.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, and I believe that a combination of smart strategies and persistent effort leads to greater financial outcomes. On the one hand, hard
work
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 is essential because it helps individuals develop discipline and strong foundational skills. Continuous effort enables people to gain experience and improve their performance over time, which is crucial for building a rewarding career. The more consistently individuals
work
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 towards their goals, the more likely they are to create stable sources of income.
For example
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, entrepreneurs who dedicate long hours to their businesses are more likely to achieve long-term
success
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.
Therefore
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, hard
work
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 remains a fundamental factor in attaining financial stability.
On the other hand
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, other factors
such
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 as education and strategic thinking are equally important in achieving financial
success
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. Many professions require formal qualifications, making education a necessary component of career advancement.
For instance
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, doctors and engineers must acquire
specialized
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specialised
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 knowledge before entering their fields.
Moreover
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, individuals who adopt a strategic approach can
maximize
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maximise
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 their productivity and make better decisions. If they plan their future carefully, they can not only achieve financial stability but
also
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 succeed in various aspects of life. In conclusion,
although
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 hard
work
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 is vital for developing discipline and experience, it is not sufficient on its own. In my opinion, combining hard
work
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 with smart strategies and proper planning is the most effective way to achieve long-term financial
success
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.

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task response
Make your main idea a bit more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more real and clear example to support your view.
task response
Explain why smart planning gives more money, not only better life.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care so the flow feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are good but a little general; extend them with one more sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the focus on financial success in every part of the essay.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and a good ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order and are easy to follow.
task response
You use examples like entrepreneurs, doctors, and engineers to support ideas.
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