IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others it is mostly a work out to stay fit. Discuss both views snd give your opinion

People
Use synonyms
 view
sport
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 in different ways. For some individuals,
sport
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 is a serious
career
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 path,
while
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 for others it is mainly a form of exercise to maintain good health.
Both
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 perspectives have valid reasons. On the one hand, many
people
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 consider
sport
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 to be a professional
career
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. Talented athletes can earn a living by competing in national and international competitions. Professional
sports
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 provide opportunities for fame, financial rewards, and personal achievement.
For example
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, famous athletes
such
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 as Cristiano Ronaldo and Serena Williams have built highly successful careers through
sports
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.
In addition
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 to athletes, the
sports
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 industry
also
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 creates many other jobs, including coaches, trainers,
sports
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 managers, and commentators.
Therefore
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,
sport
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 can play an important role in the economy and provide stable
career
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 opportunities for many
people
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.
On the other hand
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, many individuals see
sport
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 primarily as a way to stay healthy and active. Not everyone has the talent or opportunity to become a professional athlete, so
people
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 often participate in
sports
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 for recreation and fitness. Regular physical activity helps improve cardiovascular health, reduce stress, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Activities
such
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 as running, swimming, or playing football with friends can help
people
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 relax and
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
while
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also
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 keeping their bodies fit. In my opinion,
although
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sport
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 can be a rewarding
career
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 for a small number of talented individuals, for most
people
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 it should mainly be viewed as a way to stay healthy and enjoy life. Participating in
sports
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 regularly improves
both
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 physical and mental well-being, which is beneficial for society as a whole. In conclusion,
sport
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 can serve
both
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 as a professional
career
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 and as a means of maintaining fitness.
While
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 some
people
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 pursue it as a full-time profession, the majority engage in
sports
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 to support a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
Both
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 roles are important and contribute positively to society.

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task response
Make the intro more clear. State your main view in one clear sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with more glue words. Use words that show contrast and addition.
development
Add more details for each point. Use facts or small steps to show idea.
language
Keep the words simple and check spelling and grammar.
overall idea
Clear view that sport can be a career for some and a way to stay healthy for others.
examples
Good use of real examples (Ronaldo and Williams).
organization
Structure shows intro, body, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • athletes
  • dedication
  • career paths
  • financial stability
  • inspire
  • fitness
  • promotes
  • healthier lifestyle
  • reduces stress
  • social interactions
  • professional
  • amateur
  • prestigious
  • cultures
  • perception
  • involvement
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
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