IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

While some people consider global warming to be more pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has more devastating impacts on our worlds. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is often argued that some people believe global warming is a more urgent topic because it has significant impacts on environmental problems,
while
Linking Words
 others insist that
deforestation
Use synonyms
 largely affects our world. From my perspective, the latter seems more plausible since clear-cutting caused accelerating global warming. On the one hand, I accept that global warming should be prioritised because a rise in
sea
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 can be caused by global warming. First of all, global warming has increased
sea
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 because
glacier
Change preposition
of glacier
show examples
 melt. As
sea
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
 rise, a number of coastal cities are endangered. They may suffer from frequent flooding, which leads to the loss of coastal cities and migration to other places.
As a result
Linking Words
, residents in coastal cities may lose their places to live and their jobs as well.
For example
Linking Words
, Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, has been suffering from rising
sea
Use synonyms
levels
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they decided to move their capital city.
As a result
Linking Words
, people might face
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase
unemployment
Change preposition
in unemployment
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others strongly believe that massive
deforestation
Use synonyms
 should be treated first.
This
Linking Words
 is because forests have a function to create oxygen through photosynthesis, which means carbon dioxide
levels
Use synonyms
 in the air can be reduced. As forests are cut down, more carbon dioxide will be released into the air.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a serious greenhouse effect.
For example
Linking Words
, Brazil developed their tropical forests known as the Amazon since it wanted to cultivate crops.
As a result
Linking Words
, global warming has accelerated.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 should be prioritised. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both views have their own merits, I personally believe that
deforestation
Use synonyms
 is a more urgent problem since global warming can be slowed through photosynthesis.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan one idea per paragraph and give one clear example for it.
argumentation
State your view in a clear line and keep to it in the end of the essay.
grammar
Use simple grammar and check verb form and articles.
cohesion
Use clear linking words but do not repeat same phrases like 'as a result' a lot.
vocabulary
Choose easy words and keep to the top 100 words to show range without confusion.
content
The essay shows two sides and a clear opinion.
content
There are some good examples to back up points (Jakarta, Amazon).
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: