IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they visit.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

As foreigners travel from
one
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 country to
another
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another,
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 it is very important for them to
familiarize
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familiarise
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 themselves with the history and culture of the citizens in the country. I solely agree with
this
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 as it is important for
one
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 to respect and appreciate different means of
life
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 across the globe.
Firstly
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, a
people
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's past and current way of
life
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 gives a clear image as to how and why they lead their lives in a certain way.
For example
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, in Islamic countries, pork is strictly forbidden. A foreigner who loves eating
pork based
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pork-based
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 products
such
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 as ribs may fail to understand
this
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but
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, but
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 upon
further
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 enquiry, they get to understand why pork is considered spiritually unclean by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Muslims.
Moreover
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, exposure to different means of living expands an individual's understanding of the world.
This
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 goes a long way in giving
people
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 different ideas, perspectives and building tolerance by learning to respect and embrace
people
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 just as they are.
For
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instance
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instance,
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one
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 may travel to a country where poverty affects many families. Upon witnessing the struggles and challenges that
face these families
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these families face
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 daily, a visitor will return home
having
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with having
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better
Correct word choice
greater
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 gratitude towards their own
life
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.
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Additionally
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Additionally,
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one
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also
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 learns to interact with and appreciate
people
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 living under
such
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 circumstances. In conclusion, I agree that visitors from foreign countries should take time to understand the origin and means of
life
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 of the communities they engage with. They ought to view it as a learning experience and a means for them to grow and better understand the world they live in.

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development
Try to see both sides of the topic. Mention a view you do not share and then explain why.
content
Add more detail to each idea and give a clearer, longer example.
coherence
Work on flow. Use connect words to link ideas well, but avoid too many.
content
The essay shows a clear position from the start.
structure
There is a simple, clear order with sign posts like firstly and in conclusion.
language
Examples are used to show why history and culture matter.
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