IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

It is an undeniable fact that
money
Use synonyms
 is part and parcel of our daily lives.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there is a considerable debate regarding whether
money
Use synonyms
 can enhance
one
Use synonyms
's quality of life or
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
introduce unwanted complications.
Although
Linking Words
 wealth can raise
security
Use synonyms
 concerns, I contend that it enables them to live luxurious lifestyles.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, having a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 can create some problems. The primary
one
Use synonyms
 is
security
Use synonyms
 concerns because gangsters and thieves often target rich residents. It is quite common in some places for criminals to demand a substantial amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in exchange for sparing the lives of victims' families.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, affluent residents usually receive calls from offenders
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who demand more than
one
Use synonyms
 million rupees.
Such
Linking Words
 incidents
forces
Correct subject-verb agreement
force
show examples
 communities to view
money
Use synonyms
 as a burden
instead
Linking Words
 of a blessing.
However
Linking Words
, the police are doing commendable work in the country, and they have
got
Verb problem
achieved
show examples
 success in many cases
to apprehend
Change preposition
in apprehending
show examples
 the blackmailers and gangsters. Their efforts aim to mitigate the
security
Use synonyms
 issues associated with having a large fortune.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
money
Use synonyms
 can make people's lives comfortable and convenient. The majority of them can hire domestic help to handle household chores,
such
Linking Words
 as cleaning, cooking, and dusting, which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them more leisure time.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to purchase high-end items, namely luxury vehicles, branded clothes, and sophisticated gadgets. These lifestyle improvements are only feasible with substantial financial resources.
For example
Linking Words
, Mukesh Ambani is
one
Use synonyms
 of the richest individuals in the world, who owns material wealth
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
 a private jet.
As a result
Linking Words
, his financial status provides him
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
level of comfort which is impossible for some people.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though possessing a substantial fortune can lead to
security
Use synonyms
 concerns regarding criminal threats, I reckon that the ability to ameliorate
one
Use synonyms
's standard of living is
one
Use synonyms
 of the primary advantages of
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
. Ultimately, the convenience and comfort provided by wealth
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
far outweigh the potential risks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Give more balance. show more on both sides so the view is fair.
structure
Link ideas with smooth words so the flow is easy to follow.
grammar
Fix spell and grammar. some lines sound odd.
examples
Add a few more examples and explain how they show the point.
strength
Clear view that wealth can ease life.
strength
Uses real examples like India and a famous person.
structure
Has plan with intro, body, and end.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Quality of life
  • Social isolation
  • Philanthropy
  • Wealth management
  • Material possessions
  • Economic stability
  • Opportunities
  • Excessive wealth
  • Exploitative relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: