IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Whoever controls the media controls the mind. Discuss this statement and give your own opinion.Do you agree of disagree.

The rapid growth of communication technologies during the
last
Linking Words
 decades has given access to mass
media
Use synonyms
 to reach every household in developed countries.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
, the opinion that "whoever controls the
media
Use synonyms
 controls the mind" has become widespread among
people
Use synonyms
.Personally, I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 really
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
show examples
 influence on citizens' minds. Perspective really matters.One event can be presented from totally controversial points of view.
That is
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 why pessimistic and optimistic
people
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 exist.
For example
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, an article about decreasing expenditure on social welfare policy may be interpreted as a good or bad innovation
simultaneously
Punctuation problem
, simultaneously
show examples
.For individuals with left-wing political
views
Add a comma
views,
show examples
 it is a useful decision.
While
Linking Words
 right-wing individuals are convinced that these funds should be directed to support small and medium businesses.
Consequently
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,
point
Correct article usage
the point
show examples
 of view plays a crucial role in the analysis of
obtained
Correct article usage
the obtained
show examples
information
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modern
people
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 are living in a world with a constant flow of
information
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.Reading the news at breakfast, listening to the radio on the way to work.completing work tasks and watching a movie before sleep.Modern
people
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 have learned how to efficiently filter
information
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.
Furthermore
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, the average level of education among humans is the highest in the entire history of
civilization
Change the spelling
civilisation
show examples
.
Due to
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 these two factors, affecting
people
Use synonyms
's minds is becoming harder every year, but it is still possible. In conclusion, despite the level of education and the habit of sorting incoming
information
Use synonyms
.Mass
media
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 can still manipulate the minds and positions of the audience.

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task response
Be clear about your view from the start and keep it in all parts of the essay.
task response
Add more real, simple examples to back up each point.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully to connect ideas and show how one point leads to the next.
coherence cohesion
Keep sentences short and easy; avoid long phrases that may cause mistakes.
task response
The writer shows a clear own view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a good effort to show both sides of the issue.
content
Some ideas link well and the text follows a logical path.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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