IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The invention of computers in the mid-20th century has transformed the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 across the world. Workers across many professions have gained not just a new tool, but a whole new way to work and communicate, with
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 increase in productivity
as a result
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.
However
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,
while
Linking Words
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
 is certainly an important technology, I will argue that other
technologies
Use synonyms
 invented during the past century are even more important than the computer.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide several examples of
technologies
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 that not only transform
people
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's lives, but
Rephrase
also saved
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saved
Wrong verb form
save
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 millions of them. By far the most defining technology in the
last
Linking Words
 hundred years is the Green Revolution. A combination of new crop varieties, synthetic
fertilizers
Change the spelling
fertilisers
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, and new agricultural techniques has massively increased the productivity of farms across the world. In the past, the only way to expand agricultural production was by clearing forests and building new farms. It was
therefore
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 suggested in the 1950s that when all arable land
would have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 been cultivated,
food
Use synonyms
 production would stagnate and mass starvation would be inevitable.
Instead
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,
while
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 the world's population has quadrupled in the past century,
food
Use synonyms
 is now more abundant than ever.
Food
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 shortages today represent not a failure of production, but merely a failure of distribution. Other important
technologies
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 of
this
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 era include the development of
antibiotics
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. The discovery of
antibiotics
Use synonyms
 in the 1940s has since saved untold millions of
people
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 from diseases which would have killed them before. In the past, falling into the wrong puddle or eating
a
Correct article usage
apply
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contaminated
food
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 could have been a death sentence. Today, they are treatable with a simple antibiotic. Even some of the most dangerous diseases,
such
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 as
tubercolosis
Correct your spelling
tuberculosis
 and even the Black Death, are curable with
antibiotics
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the invention of computers is undeniably important, the Green Revolution and the discovery of
antibiotics
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 are even more significant. There are
uncountable
Correct word choice
countless
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 millions of
people
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, arguably even billions, who would not be alive today but for these two
technologies
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.

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development
Explain your view more by giving a deeper reason why each tech changes life and why that change matters.
accuracy
Check facts and spell words right.
coherence
Use more link words to show how ideas fit, like first, next, also.
development
Give one or two more good examples to back your point.
content
Clear stance that other techs may be more important than computers.
structure
Two main ideas with backing details in each paragraph.
structure
Conclusion restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • invention
  • revolutionized
  • industries
  • communication
  • connectivity
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • advancements
  • scientific research
  • technology
  • access
  • information
  • learn
  • limitations
  • disadvantages
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