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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The question of whether young
people
Use synonyms
 should
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
move abroad from their hometowns when they become adults has long been a topic of debate, with some believing that moving abroad ensures
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence and
independence
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that staying in their hometown for their whole lives is better. I personally support the former viewpoint
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 living abroad allows young
people
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 to become more independent and gain valuable life experience. The proponents of living in their hometown often highlight its fundamental role in strong family support. When
people
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 wish to stay in their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 their whole lives, they can enhance their relationship with family members, improve their role in the local
community
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,
start
Correct word choice
and start
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 their
career
Use synonyms
 in their country.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, can lead to
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 comfortable and secure
future
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career
Use synonyms
 and maintain
community
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 friendships in a place they know well, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 exemplified by Uzbekistan, where young
people
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 often stay close to their families and develop stable careers. In
this
Linking Words
 regard,
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing to
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 live in their country plays a pivotal role in developing
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 and creating better relationships in a place they
well
Verb problem
are well
show examples
know
Wrong verb form
known
show examples
. Despite the benefits of stable careers, they often fail to reach their goals in terms of
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
future
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
 and cannot compete with greater
independence
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 and personal
growth
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one key advantage of moving abroad is greater
independence
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. As independent
people
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more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 likely to get
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
career
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, it leads to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
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 and
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 income.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 connection with
local
Correct article usage
the local
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community
Use synonyms
 does not directly contribute to the
people
Use synonyms
's perfect
future
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 work. Beyond
this
Linking Words
,
independence
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skill
Check wording
apply
show examples
is essential in personal
growth
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. By
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to another country,
people
Use synonyms
 can learn new skills
such
Linking Words
 as new cultural
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
, language improvement and personal
growth
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, thereby not only
future
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 job but
also
Linking Words
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 their own decisions and solve problems alone.
Thus
Linking Words
, gaining
independence
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 drives
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
future
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 work,
whereas
Linking Words
 good connections with
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
community
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have the same transformative impact on personal
growth
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 good relations with groups
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
career
Use synonyms
, it
sould
Correct your spelling
should
 not take precedence over other crucial sectors. Given that
independence
Use synonyms
 and personal
growth
Use synonyms
 contribute best
future
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should move abroad.

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improvement
Need more balance. Add more on why some stay in hometown and how this stacks with going abroad.
improvement
Use shorter, clear sentences. Fix grammar and word choice.
improvement
Connect ideas with simple link words like and, but, also, then.
stance
Clear opinion on the topic.
content
Some good points and a real example.
language
Simple and easy words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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