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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there have been debates about customs and traditional ways of behaviour
, most
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. Most
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individuals think that these kinds of traditional things should not be kept because of irrelevant to modern
life
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. Even though
,
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apply
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 there are some traditional lessons that should be protected, I agree that some of
traditional
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the traditional
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 rules should be removed. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons why. On the
one
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 hand, there are some traditional activities that young
people
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 should learn from the past ,
such
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 as talking to their parents or wearing traditional
clothes
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 on special holidays. In modern
life
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, the new generation tends to live independently, which is good , but sometimes
this
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 'independent
life
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" can be misunderstood.
For example
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, some
people
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 of Gen Z might think that they can live and do whatever they want as long as they do not bother anyone, even their parents and vice versa.
As a result
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, sometimes they forget their responsibilities to their family, which may lead to a selfish
life
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 and isolation.
This
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 may
also
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 impact their mental health because they just want to live
by
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on
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 their own and they cannot share with anyone , even with their parent.
Moreover
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, in modern
life
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, young
people
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 tend to show themselves through their appearance , like their
clothes
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, their hairstyle.
As a result
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, they may not want to wear traditional
clothes
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 as they think these kinds of
clothes
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 are boring. The consequence of
this
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 trend is that
one
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 day they will lose their national cultural heritage.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some traditional rules that make
people
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 in modern
life
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 feel stressed to apply.
Firstly
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,
one
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 of the strict rules that most Asian countries have to apply is that
women
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 have to give
birthto
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birth to
 a boy to maintain their family's bloodline.
For example
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, in China, many years ago, the Chinese government announced a law that each family was only allowed to have
one
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 child. And because of the old-fashioned rule, there are a lot of families who used to ask for a boy
by
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through
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 illegal
solutions
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means
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.
Secondly
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, there are some traditional opinions that are too strict with
women
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 as
women
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 have to stay at home and are only suitable for
householdduties
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household duties
, if not , they are losers.
This
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 opinion should be banned because many
women
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 choose not to marry
,
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;
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 they feel uncomfortable and cannot develop. Many
women
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 have their right to work and to do whatever they want , not just only the household. But because of
this
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 traditional opinion, some
women
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's future is just killed. In conclusion,
while
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 some traditional ways of behaviour should be protected, I strongly believe that some are no longer relevant to modern
life
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.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. You say some old ways should stay, but you also agree some should go. Say more clearly how much you agree.
coherence and cohesion
Give one strong idea in each body part, then explain it in a simple way. Some ideas now are a bit mixed.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The part about China is useful, but explain more clearly how it shows old ways are not good now.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and however. Sometimes your flow is not smooth.
task response
Make each point fully supported. Some claims are good, but they need one more step of explanation.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use real-life examples and talk about both sides of the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hinder progress
  • social mobility
  • intrinsic value
  • cultural touchstones
  • upbringing
  • sense of identity
  • continuity
  • moral and ethical values
  • quaint
  • foster a sense of community
  • outdated
  • intrinsic
What to do next:
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