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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information about rail transport in four countries.

The table compares four countries – Malaysia, Canada,
China
Use synonyms
 and the UAE – in terms of the number of people using
rail
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 transport,
passenger
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kilometres
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 per
head
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 of
population
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 and the amount of
cargo
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 carried.
Overall
Linking Words
,
China
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest number of
rail
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passengers
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 and the greatest figure for
passenger
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kilometres
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 per
head
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 of
population
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Canada had the lowest number of
passengers
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 but transported the largest amount of
cargo
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. In detail,
China
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 accounted for the largest share of
rail
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passengers
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, with 27
million
Use synonyms
 people using
this
Linking Words
 mode of transport. It
also
Linking Words
 had the highest figure for
passenger
Use synonyms
kilometres
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 per
head
Use synonyms
 of
population
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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at
Change preposition
in
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 1980. In terms of freight,
China
Use synonyms
 transported 23.01
billion
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tonnes
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 of
cargo
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. Malaysia ranked second in terms of
passenger
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 numbers, with 5.9
million
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passengers
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,
while
Linking Words
 its
passenger
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kilometres
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 per
head
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 of
population
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 stood at 770. The country
also
Linking Words
 transported 22.2
billion
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tonnes
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 of
cargo
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. Looking at the remaining countries, the UAE recorded 5.5
million
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rail
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passengers
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 and 780
passenger
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kilometres
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 per
head
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 of
population
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,
while
Linking Words
 the amount of
cargo
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 carried reached 21.9
billion
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tonnes
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. Canada,
by contrast
Linking Words
, had only 0.3
million
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passengers
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 and the lowest
passenger
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kilometres
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 figure, at 80.
However
Linking Words
, it transported the highest volume of
cargo
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, at 28.20
billion
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tonnes
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, rail, passenger, kilometres, head, population, cargo, passengers, million, billion, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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