IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

Individuals
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
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preactice
Correct your spelling
practice
 some
type
Use synonyms
 of hardcore
sports
Use synonyms
 are more likely to get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 harmful
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 activities.
However
Linking Words
, participants in
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of sport are
in
Verb problem
increasing in
show examples
increase rate
Check wording
number
show examples
 because it is more popular in society.
Inforceing
Correct your spelling
Enforcing
 safety
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 and rules
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 using new technology could be the right choice to reduce dangerous
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
. The increasing rate of
participating
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 in dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 is unquestionable
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 reason for
that is
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
type
Use synonyms
 of sport
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
vast
Correct article usage
a vast
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fan-base
Use the right word
fan base
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other traditional
sports
Use synonyms
, people
Punctuation problem
. People
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 tend to like and watch hardcore
sports
Use synonyms
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 them
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 exciting feeling and joy.
For example
Linking Words
, a study conducted in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows that the number of views for UFC
matchs
Correct your spelling
matches
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 double the views for the normal boxing matches.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Another
show examples
 aspect related to
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 is the
risk
Use synonyms
involed
Correct your spelling
involved
 in it, the more
the
Correct word order
extreme the
show examples
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 is extreme the
high
Correct word choice
higher
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chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 become for
risk
Use synonyms
to occur
Wrong verb form
occurring
show examples
. The
Soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 for that are,
firstly
Linking Words
inforce
Correct your spelling
enforce
 regulation and law upon the individuals by
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
method
Punctuation problem
method,
show examples
 the
risk
Use synonyms
 will decrease.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we should
intergrated
Correct your spelling
integrate
 technology in
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 kinds of activity,
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 example, the car-race driver must wear
Correct article usage
a high
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high tech
Use the right word
high-tech
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 uniform which
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
show examples
 them in case of
Correct article usage
a crase
show examples
crase
Correct your spelling
crash
 or fire. In conclusion, despite the fact that some
sports
Use synonyms
 are more popular than others,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 more harmful for them.
However
Linking Words
, people who
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in it are more famous. And, the solution to mitigate the
risk
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
conduct
Verb problem
to conduct
show examples
 more safety rules and use helpful technology.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say clearly why people do these sports, and give more than one clear way to make them safer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. Use one paragraph for reasons and one paragraph for safety steps.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Explain your example more. The UFC example shows popularity, but it does not fully show why people choose to play dangerous sports.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas in a clear order. Some lines repeat the same point about danger and popularity.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You used an example to support one main idea.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • thrill-seeking
  • physical and mental boundaries
  • peer pressure
  • media influence
  • cultural norms
  • livelihood
  • extensive training
  • state-of-the-art
  • safety equipment
  • governing bodies
  • regulations
  • supervision
  • risk assessment
  • emergency plans
  • minimize risks
What to do next:
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