IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

Certain sports involve a risk of high-level danger for those who participate in them.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,many people are still attracted to these activities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why people are drawn to these activities, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 create a challenge and push an adrenaline rush among players, and suggest proper measures, like proper safety methods and following the regulations, to avoid deadly injuries.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You say why people do risky sports and how to be safe, but each part needs more detail.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some parts are too short. Explain each point more.
coherence cohesion
Your sentence has a clear start, but it is only an introduction. You need body parts and an ending for a full essay.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'finally'. This will help the flow.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar in small parts, for example 'it create' should be 'they create' or 'this creates'. Errors can make the message less clear.
task response
You answer both parts of the question in your plan.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence cohesion
The reader can follow your direction because you clearly say what the essay will discuss.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • thrill-seeking
  • physical and mental boundaries
  • peer pressure
  • media influence
  • cultural norms
  • livelihood
  • extensive training
  • state-of-the-art
  • safety equipment
  • governing bodies
  • regulations
  • supervision
  • risk assessment
  • emergency plans
  • minimize risks
What to do next:
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