IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

International sporting events could contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. Do you agree or disagree? Support your opinion with relevant examples

Over the
last
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 few years, it has become increasingly common to witness
a
Correct article usage
an
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 interesting discussion about how the International sporting
events
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 could contribute greatly to peace and
stability
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 in the world. In
this
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 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will debate
this
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 idea and
to
Verb problem
apply
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present my point of view related to
this
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.
Firstly
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, it is important to
recognize
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recognise
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 the value of the sports
events
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 in the mental and physical health of the people
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 the world.
However
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,
is
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it is
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 a good idea to remark as well, the importance of small
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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events
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 for the
comunities
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communities
. Both of them play an important role
to contribute
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in contributing
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 to peace and
stability
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 in the world, but in my personal
opinion
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opinion,
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Correct your spelling
unfortunately
unfurtunately
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unfurtunately,
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 the international
event
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apply
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sports there are not
distribuited
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distributed
equals
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equally
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arround
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around
 the different countries and continents. There are
a
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apply
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places where international
events
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 do not happen very often, and
this
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 difference
make
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makes
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 the "benefits" of
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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events
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 do not arrive everywhere. My opinnion is clear, i agree with the main idea, but i believe as well that the pace and
stability
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 do not depend of the international
sport
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events
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 at all, obviously they could help, but the are another really important factors which has and superior level of importance about the international peace and
stability
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, suchs geopolitical government politics, the increasing war for fuel and minerals and the active conflicts between countries and cultures for religions and territories. One example about
this
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 is the current war between Russia and Ukraine, where the international
events
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 and
sport
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 are paused
due to
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 war ,(
for instance
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 soccer... in fact, one of
this
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 countries has been banned from the european leagues), and does exist another examples like Israel and Palestine or Iran and Israel, where the international
sport
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events
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 are not helping to stop the fights and to keep
stability
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.

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task response
For task response, your main view is there, but it is not fully clear at the start. Say your answer in one direct line, such as 'I partly agree' or 'I agree, but only to some degree.'
task response
For task response, explain your key ideas more. You say sport can help peace, but you also say other things matter more. Add one full idea about how sport brings people together, and one full idea about why it cannot stop war by itself.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they mostly show limits, not both sides. Add one positive real example, like the Olympic Games or a World Cup event, to support your agreement side.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a basic shape with an opening and body, but the ideas do not always move in a smooth way. Make one paragraph for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use simple link words in a clear way: 'First', 'Second', 'However', 'For example', 'In short'. This will help the reader follow your thinking.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, write a short ending paragraph. Your essay now stops after examples. Add 2 lines to sum up your view and answer the question directly.
task response
For task response, you answer the question and give your own view. This is good.
task response
For task response, you use real world examples, such as Russia and Ukraine. This helps your ideas feel real.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has an introduction, and the reader can see your main topic from the start.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use some linking words like 'Firstly', 'However', and 'One example'. This is a good base.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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