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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

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The line graph illustrates weekly consumption of food per person in China in the proportions of
grams
Use synonyms
 from 1985 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, expenditure on
fish
Use synonyms
 and
meat
Use synonyms
 sharply increased over the given period,
while
Linking Words
 consumption of
salt
Use synonyms
 witnessed
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 decrease by the end of the period, and
being
Verb problem
was
show examples
 similar of
meat
Use synonyms
. In 1985, eating
fish
Use synonyms
 was really popular among people in China , with the number of 600
grams
Use synonyms
 per person,
while
Linking Words
meat
Use synonyms
 started with only 100
grams
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
salt
Use synonyms
 began with the number of 490
grams
Use synonyms
. Years after, in 2000, all three types of food changed significantly;
however
Linking Words
,
fish
Use synonyms
 followed an upward trend up to 700 ,
similarly
Linking Words
 as
meat
Use synonyms
 , which increased to 190, and the reverse was true for
salt
Use synonyms
 , which followed a decrease trend and dropped to 300. In 2010, by the end of the time,
fish
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend to 850 , reaching the peak of all-time consumption,
while
Linking Words
salt
Use synonyms
 decreased noticeably to 200, but
meat
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant increase to 200.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, fish, meat, salt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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