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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

The line graph illustrates weekly consumption of food per person in China in the proportions of
grams
Use synonyms
 from 1985 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, expenditure on
fish
Use synonyms
 and
meat
Use synonyms
 sharply increased over the given period,
while
Linking Words
 consumption of
salt
Use synonyms
 witnessed
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 decrease by the end of the period, and
being
Verb problem
was
show examples
 similar of
meat
Use synonyms
. In 1985, eating
fish
Use synonyms
 was really popular among people in China , with the number of 600
grams
Use synonyms
 per person,
while
Linking Words
meat
Use synonyms
 started with only 100
grams
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
salt
Use synonyms
 began with the number of 490
grams
Use synonyms
. Years after, in 2000, all three types of food changed significantly;
however
Linking Words
,
fish
Use synonyms
 followed an upward trend up to 700 ,
similarly
Linking Words
 as
meat
Use synonyms
 , which increased to 190, and the reverse was true for
salt
Use synonyms
 , which followed a decrease trend and dropped to 300. In 2010, by the end of the time,
fish
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend to 850 , reaching the peak of all-time consumption,
while
Linking Words
salt
Use synonyms
 decreased noticeably to 200, but
meat
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant increase to 200.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, fish, meat, salt with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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