IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In education and employment, some people work harder that others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Nowadays, the population who study or
employ
Wrong verb form
are employed
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 is working harder than others.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses why certain people
hard-
Verb problem
work hard
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and might it
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 good for experience and useful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. First of all, some employees
work
Use synonyms
 harder than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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staff
Check wording
apply
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because of the reward.
For instance
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, people who
work
Use synonyms
 spend more time at
work
Use synonyms
 by doing their job more than other employees, have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 for a salary increase and promotion.
That is
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, when your salary and promotion depend on the capacity which you perform in the
work
Use synonyms
 process.
Additionally
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, the hard
work
Use synonyms
 in
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 among some students is often
the
Correct article usage
an
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 indicator of a goal-oriented person.
In other words
Linking Words
, when individuals have a certain goal and know that to reach it the efforts are necessary, they
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 situation is not always easy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the best solution is to save the
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. Working harder than other colleagues or classmates does not always bring the best
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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to
Change preposition
in
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 their lives. As an example, the present young generation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 stressed about their future, and
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 forgetting about other important aspects
such
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 as health of physical and mental
Check wording
health
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and human relationships.Losing these things
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 desired result cannot be as wished and set. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 there are many advantages to working hard, I believe that working harder is not good for people’s health and for their harmonious life.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. Say clearly why some people work hard, and say clearly if this is always good or not.
task response
Give one more clear idea for each main part. This will make your answer feel more full and more sure.
task response
Use examples with more detail. For example, explain how hard work can help with pay, but also how too much work can hurt health and family life.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentence in each body paragraph very clear. This helps the reader follow your main idea fast.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and smooth way. Use words like first, also, however, for example, and in my view.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point step by step. Do not jump too fast from one idea to the next.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used some examples about work, study, health, and goals.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear change from good points to bad points in the second body paragraph.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
What to do next:
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