IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Nowadays, the population who study or are employed is working harder than others.
This
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 essay discusses why certain people work
hardwork
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hard
 and might it is good for experience and useful in their lives. First of all, some employees
job
Verb problem
work
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 harder than others because of the reward.
For instance
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, people who
effort
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apply
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spend more
time
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effort
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at
Change preposition
on
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Correct pronoun usage
their task
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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 by doing their job more than other employees
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 have more opportunities for a salary increase and promotion.
That is
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, when your salary and promotion depend on the capacity which you perform in the production process.
Additionally
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, the hard
effort
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work
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 in studying among some students is often an indicator of a goal-oriented person.
In other words
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, when individuals have a certain goal and know that to reach it the efforts are necessary, they work hard.
However
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,
this
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 situation is not always easy , and the best solution is to save the effort-life balance. Working harder than other colleagues or classmates does not always bring the best results in their lives. As an example, the present young generation is stressed about their future, and is forgetting about other important aspects
such
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 as health of physical and mental health and human relationships.Losing these things , the desired result cannot be as wished and set. In my opinion,
although
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 there are many advantages to working hard, I believe that working harder is not good for people’s health and for their harmonious life.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say why people work hard, but the second question needs a clearer and fuller answer.
coherence and cohesion
Give one clear main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well, like First, Also, However, and In my view.
task response
Add one more clear example for your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Make your conclusion short but clear, and directly answer the second question again.
task response
You answer both questions in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some good link words like First of all, Additionally, and However.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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