IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Nowadays, the population who study or are employed is working harder than others.
This
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 essay discusses why certain people
work
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 hard and might it is good for experience and useful in their lives. First of all, some employees
work
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 harder than others because of the reward.
For instance
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, people who
work
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 spend more time at the office doing more tasks than other members of staff, have more opportunities for a salary increase and promotion.
That is
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, when one’s salary and promotion depend on the capacity which one performs during the
work
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 process.
Additionally
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, the hard
work
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 in studying among some students is often an indicator of a goal-oriented person.
In other words
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, when individuals have a certain goal , and they know that they need to put extra effort in order to reach it, they
work
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 hard.
However
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,
this
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 situation is not always easy , and the best solution is to save the
work
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-life balance. Working harder than other colleagues or classmates does not always bring the best results in their lives. As an example, the present young generation is stressed about their future, and is forgetting about other important aspects ,
such
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 as physical or mental health and human relationships. After losing
such
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 things, the desired result might not be as pleasant as wished and set. In my opinion,
although
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 there are many advantages of hard
work
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, I believe that working harder is not beneficial for people’s health and for their harmonious life.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You say why some people work hard, but the second question needs a clearer and more direct answer.
task response
Give one more clear reason for hard work, such as family needs, fear of failure, or strong personal goals.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your ideas are good, but the examples are still general.
task response
Make your position fully clear from the start. In the introduction, say if hard work is good, bad, or good only in some cases.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure with introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is used well, like First of all, Additionally, However, and In my opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar affects meaning. Keep sentences shorter and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point more. After each reason, add one simple explanation and one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph ideas more balanced. The first body paragraph is more developed than the second.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the essay is on topic.
task response
You include a clear view in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph order.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Work ethic
  • Upbringing
  • Cultural values
  • Ambitions
  • Motivated
  • Fear of failure
  • Competitive nature
  • Overworking
  • Burnout
  • Stress-related health issues
  • Productivity
  • Quality of life
  • Healthy balance
  • Long-term productivity
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