IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays young people mostly learn by reading books or watching movies and TV shows, rather than personal experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, young individuals mostly learn by reading books or watching movies and television shows, rather than
personal
Change preposition
through personal
show examples
 experience. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there are several reasons for
this
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 situation, and
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 am going to explain them in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all, technology is more advanced than past, and it is shaping our lives in many ways.
This
Linking Words
 issue impacts young
people
Use synonyms
's learning behaviours.
For instance
Linking Words
, in today's world, nearly every young person has a smartphone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they know very well how to use it.
Furthermore
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, youngsters are able to learn quickly new information about the world, the environment, education and general life situations from their phones or personal computers.
In addition
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, there is
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
 of applications in smart devices.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason teenagers or young
people
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time on these platforms. To illustrate, a student who wants to learn a new language
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can prefer to use different types of language applications on their tablets.
Secondly
Linking Words
, young individuals do not need to have real conversations with other
people
Use synonyms
. They prefer to talk with their friends on social media
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not have enough real experiences with their environment.
For example
Linking Words
, if a young individual reject to face to
face
Check wording
apply
show examples
talk
with
Check wording
face-to-face with
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 her friends or other
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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than
Use the right word
then
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 he
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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 an antisocial person.
However
Linking Words
, reading books and watching different
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
movies are extremely beneficial
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 for developing young
people
Use synonyms
's aspects. Most young
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 struggle to watch a movie for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 period of time. Because they always scroll on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and their attention spans are very short. In conclusion, in today's world, young
people
Use synonyms
 mostly learn by reading books or watching movies and television shows, rather than
personal
Change preposition
through personal
show examples
 experiences, and I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument. There are some reasons for that,
such
Linking Words
 as advanced technology,
exist
Wrong verb form
the existence
show examples
 of different applications and
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
show examples
 of social media on young
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so ideas flow in a natural way.
task response
Give one strong example and explain it more fully.
task response
Stay close to the main question in all parts of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar and word form because some errors make ideas hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start.
task response
You use examples about phones, apps, and social media.
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