Famous people sometimes have problems because the media pay too much attention to their private lives. Some people think newspapers should be allowed to publish information about them. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there is considerable disagreement over whether newspapers ought to publish
celebrities
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’ private lives. From my perspective, I disagree with exposing
celebrities
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privacy
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. Advocates argue that the public nature of
celebrities
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means they must accept scrutiny.
Celebrities
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gain fame and wealth through their influence, which ordinary people cannot easily achieve, so they should take greater social responsibility. Some have been involved in illegal activities
such
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as drug abuse, which not only break the law but
also
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negatively influence
society
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, especially young fans. Others promote patriotism publicly but privately move abroad, misleading the public. In
such
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cases, exposure may be necessary to hold them accountable and make them pay for their
behavior
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behaviour
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. It is necessary to maintain social order and public morality. Opponents believe that
celebrities
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privacy
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should be respected.
Although
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fame may require giving up some
privacy
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, no one wants to live under constant scrutiny. Excessive attention can cause distress to
celebrities
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and their families.
Media
Correct article usage
The media
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often exaggerates minor mistakes made by
celebrities
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, misleading the public and placing great pressure on them.
Furthermore
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, a celebrity’s personal morals are not necessarily connected to their contributions to
society
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. Excessive exposure of private life can
also
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hinder their ability to create social value.
For example
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, Rousseau’s chaotic private life did not diminish his profound impact on the Enlightenment. Respecting
privacy
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is a mark of a
civilized
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civilised
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and progressive
society
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. In conclusion,
while
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there may be cases where exposing
celebrities
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is justified to maintain social order, I believe newspapers should not excessively publish private information, as it causes distress to
celebrities
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and their families and hinders their ability to contribute positively to
society
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.

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task response
For task response, your view is clear, but you can make both sides more equal. The first side is a bit short.
task response
For task response, add one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. To make it better, link some ideas more smoothly inside the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are a little long. Try to split long ideas into two clear sentences.
task response
For task response, you answer both views and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea and stays on topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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