IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal? You should write at least 250 words.

#people #country #materials #goods #production
It is widely believed by some that increasing production of goods and materials should be the main aim of every
country
.
Although
 I accept that it can
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 in terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 of the
country
,I believe that it can be
Add an article
an unappropriate
the unappropriate
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unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
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 goal as it can lead to pollution of the environment. On the one hand,by producing more goods,
economies
Correct article usage
the economies
show examples
 of countries can grow significantly.
This
 is because individuals can buy more
products
 and in
this
 case,the revenue
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gained from sales can rise and it can contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 economy considerably.
For instance
,the main goal in some developed countries is consumerism and
as a result
,people purchase more
products
 and it has increased the income of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 significantly.
On the other hand
,I believe that increasing the manufacturing of
products
 can lead to environmental pollution because the more consumers buy goods and materials ,the more waste of
products
 is generated.
Consequently
,it affects
Correct article usage
the nature
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nature
Replace the word
natural
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 environment adversely.
For example
,in some parts of the world,companies
has
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have
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 increased the manufacturing of
products
 and they
has
Wrong verb form
have been
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 confronted with the contamination of soil and water
and
Correct word choice
apply
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in the long run,
can
Correct pronoun usage
this can
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 result in numerous concerns
such
 as loss of biodiversity,destruction of habitat and deterioration in marine life Taking everything into account,whilst producing more and more materials and
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
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 can be advantageous from
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the country
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country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 standpoint,I consider that consumerism can lead to some concerns in
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
show examples
such
 as soil contamination which can have
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on habitat and biodiversity.
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Grammar
Consider improving the range and accuracy of your grammatical structures to enhance clarity and cohesiveness.
Examples
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Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
Task Response
Your essay shows a clear stance on the issue, which is excellent for task response.
Structure
You made a good effort to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Arguments
You have successfully introduced relevant main points to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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