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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart shows British emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007

The bar chart provides data on the proportion of selected
countries
Use synonyms
 to which
British
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 emigrated between 2004 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there were of the essence differences in the numbers of
British
Use synonyms
 migrants.
In particular
Linking Words
, the largest amount was spent in the year 2006,
while
Linking Words
 2007 made up the smallest proportion in the following
countries
Use synonyms
. Turning to 2004 in Australia and Spain topped the list in
this
Linking Words
 category, accounting for just over 40,000 and 30,000
people
Use synonyms
, in turn, but the rest of the community exhibited almost similar results at approximately 20,000
people
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 2007, it was the least popular category to emigrate by
British
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in all
countries
Use synonyms
. Australia and Spain were the only
countries
Use synonyms
, emigration in
this
Linking Words
 field was slightly higher, constituting around 40,000 and 30,000, respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
British
Use synonyms
emigrations
Fix the agreement mistake
emigration
show examples
 in the rest of the
countries
Use synonyms
 comprised about 20,000
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Australia, Spain and France in 2005 recorded the highest emigration patterns, comprising just over 30,000
British
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in 2006, it accounted for no more than 40,000
people
Use synonyms
 in those
countries
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. USA and New Zealand visitors were the least popular in the following year , 2005- 2006, making up around 20,000
people
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, british, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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