IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

These days
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 have more vacation options than they had in the past. It has been claimed that individuals will increasingly prefer to go on holiday in their motherland in the future
instead
Linking Words
 of visiting another nation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate my
whole hearted
Correct your spelling
whole-hearted
 disagreement
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion, and will state the testament in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with,
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 reason to choose
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 country to spend vacations over one’s
nation
Correct article usage
The nation
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 is flaunting
over
Change preposition
on
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 social
media
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. To expound, as more and more individuals use social
media
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 platforms, like Facebook and Instagram, to stay connected to the
world
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, they
also
Linking Words
 like to upload their life events through reels
and
Punctuation problem
,
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 YouTube shorts and pictures, for which they visit different destinations. If they put pictures of different countries, they try to present a higher standard of living
in-front
Correct your spelling
in front
 of their friends and family.
This
Linking Words
 not only gives them a sense of emotional high but
also
Linking Words
 a
feel good
Correct your spelling
feel-good
 factor, which
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
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 them to explore the
world
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, young
people
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 these days have a long friend list on the virtual
world
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 platforms who
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
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 a note of each other’s activities.
Hence
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, posting about happening life on social
media
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 platforms is the primary reason that dictates why
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 would always be eager to visit abroad. To
further
Linking Words
 solidify my argument,
people
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 now have more income than they had in the past ,which leads to more
amount
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apply
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being spent on leisure, entertainment and travelling.
In other words
Linking Words
,
while
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 only one member of the family used to
work
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 fifty years ago, now the
work
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 sector is not gender biased, so females
also
Linking Words
work
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 and contribute financially.
This
Linking Words
 means they have sufficient savings to travel ubiquitously. To exemplify, most of the women these days
work
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 either online or offline,
thus
Linking Words
 making the family financially more secure.
Hence
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,
the more
Rephrase
apply
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mankind is not hesitant to spend on
travelling to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
travelling to different parts of the
world
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, and will continue to do so even in the future. To recapitulate,
people
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 nowadays are more eager to see and experience the beauty of different destinations all over the globe. The more they travel, the more content they can have for social
media
Use synonyms
 pages, and the better they showcase their life.
In addition
Linking Words
 to it, higher income results in freedom to spend more and take vacations frequently without straining their budget.

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task response
Make your main view more direct. Say clearly in the first paragraph that you disagree, and keep this same line all through the essay.
task response
Add one more strong reason about why people will still go abroad. Your ideas are good, but they are a bit narrow now.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and less general. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas repeat, like social media and travel. Try not to say the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long, so the meaning gets less clear. Break long sentences into two shorter ones.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use two body paragraphs, and each one has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
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