IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, the papulation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage.

In many countries, the proportion of young adults is significantly higher than that of older people.
Although
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this
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 demographic pattern may present certain challenges, I strongly believe that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One major benefit of having a large young
population
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 is the positive impact on economic growth. Young adults typically represent the most productive segment of society, as they actively participate in the labour market and contribute to innovation. A workforce dominated by younger individuals can increase productivity and stimulate economic development.
For instance
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, many industries benefit from the energy, adaptability, and technological skills of younger employees, which often lead to greater efficiency and competitiveness. Another significant advantage is the potential for social and technological progress. Younger generations tend to adopt new ideas more quickly and are often more open to change.
This
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 can accelerate technological advancement and encourage entrepreneurship.
For example
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, many successful technology companies have been founded by young innovators who introduced creative solutions to modern challenges.
As a result
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, societies with a large youth
population
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 often experience faster
modernization
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modernisation
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.
However
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,
this
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 situation can
also
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 lead to certain difficulties. A rapidly growing young
population
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 may increase pressure on education systems and job markets. If governments fail to create sufficient employment opportunities, unemployment rates among young people may rise, potentially causing economic instability. In conclusion,
while
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 a large young
population
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 can create challenges related to employment and education, the
overall
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 benefits are more substantial. Young adults contribute significantly to economic productivity, innovation, and long-term societal development, making
this
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 demographic structure largely advantageous.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear bad point and explain it more. This will make your answer more full and strong.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they are still a bit general. Add one real or more exact example if you can.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are in a clear order. To make it even better, link one idea to the next more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some body parts could be longer with one more support sentence.
task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give a clear opinion all through the essay.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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