IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

minors are invloved in crimes. what are the reasons and causes

In the modern era, crimes have become a major problem in different parts of the world. Juveniles are getting involved in criminal activities.
This
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 essay will discuss some causative factors behind the notion
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some measures will be introduced to alleviate the issue.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons for
juveniles
Correct word choice
juvenile
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 delinquency is
nuclear
Correct article usage
the nuclear
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 family. Unlike traditional families, elderly people kept an eye on
minors
Use synonyms
 in the absence of their
parents
Use synonyms
, but
parents
Use synonyms
 have started to live separately from their elderly because of their work-related relocation
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days.
Consequently
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, children are left unsupervised, increasing their exposure to aggressive digital channels and violent media channels.
For example
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, in
the recents
Correct word choice
recent
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 years, news outlets,
such
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 as CP24, have reported that a growing number of
minors
Use synonyms
 are involved in
crimes offenses
Replace the word
criminal offences
 in Canada.
This
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 is because their
parents
Use synonyms
 are preoccupied with their professional lives, leaving them unattended. To mitigate the issue,
parents
Use synonyms
 should readopt the traditional family structure by
reintgrating
Correct your spelling
reintegrating
 with their elderly relatives in their house
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This
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. This
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 approach ensures that children receive constant guidance and supervision, which can fill the gap left by working
parents
Use synonyms
 and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 the time spent by
minors
Use synonyms
 on unethical activities. To illustrate,
some
Change preposition
in some
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 states of India, it is common for multiple
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 to live together in a house, and it is seen that rates juveniles delinquency in these
regional
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 remain low.
To conclude
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,
although
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minors
Use synonyms
 are increasingly engaging in illicit activities
due to
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 the limitation of the nuclear family structure, which is a significant contribute of the scenario,
this
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 predicament cannot be solved unless
parents
Use synonyms
 can reestablish the traditional
famility
Correct your spelling
family
 structure.

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task response
For task response: You answer both parts of the task, but your ideas are a bit narrow. You give one main cause and one main solution. Add one more cause or explain your main cause more fully.
task response
For task response: Some ideas are clear, but some lines are hard to understand because of wrong word use or grammar. Use short and clear sentences to explain your point.
task response
For task response: Your examples are relevant, but they feel general. Add more clear and direct examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction, body, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are clear, but some sentences do not flow well. Use simple linking words like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The main idea of each paragraph is present, but support is sometimes limited or repeated. Develop each point with one clear reason and one clear example.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic and give a direct plan for the essay.
task response
You stay on the topic and do not go off track.
coherence cohesion
You use clear paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You include both an introduction and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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