In many countries, people are working longer hours than before. Why is this happening? What problems can this cause for individuals and families? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the ultra-modern era, working more than regular
hours
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has become a necessity for
individuals
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. There is a wide array of
reasons
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that create
this
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problem. Working excessively can
also
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be harmful to
individuals
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. The upcoming paragraphs will shed light on the
reasons
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and the problems associated with
this
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phenomenon. To commence with, there are a plethora of
reasons
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why
people
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are working extra
hours
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nowadays. The first and foremost reason is the increased inflation in every country. As prices of almost everything ,
such
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as groceries, petrol, clothing and other basic things, are increasing
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therefore
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, therefore
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, extra money is needed to cope with
this
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inflation.
Hence
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,
people
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have to work extra
hours
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to cover all the expenses.
Secondly
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, as the standard of living is increasing day by day. So, to maintain high living standards in society, it has become important for families to earn more.
As a result
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, they have to work overtime. Despite these
reasons
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, working longer
hours
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also
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creates several problems. The most significant issue is that
people
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are not able to give enough time to their kids and family. As working
individuals
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are spending more time at work rather than at home,
due to
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this
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the bonding and love between them is decreasing.
Thus
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, the family ties are getting weaker.
Moreover
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, most of the
people
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follow a sedentary lifestyle ,
and it
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which
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is affecting their bodies and health.
For example
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,
people
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working in offices are always sitting and working on a computer. Owing to
this
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, they usually suffer from back pain, poor eyesight, obesity and other health issues.
Consequently
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, it decreases their chances of living a longer and healthier life.
To conclude
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,
individuals
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have no other option than working extra
hours
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due to
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increased expenses and high living standards.
However
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, the side effects of working overtime cannot be neglected.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more full way. You explain why people work longer hours well, but the problems part can be a bit more deep.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. Your office work example is good, but a family example would make your answer stronger.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few lines are repeated, like money, costs, and living standards. Try to make each main point more different.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good for easy reading.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts like 'therefore' and 'due to this' are not natural in those places.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are too long or not well joined. Try to write shorter, clear sentences to make your meaning stronger.
task response
You answer both questions in the task: why this is happening and what problems it causes.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow. The essay is organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, and both fit the topic well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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