IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007.

The given line graph displays the information about
Use synonyms
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of three different spreads between 1981 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
butter
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 being the highest consuming
spread
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 in the starting year
delined
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declined
show examples
 sharply over the
years
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.
However
Linking Words
, spreads with low fat despite being the lowest consuming
spread
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 overtook
butter
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 and
margarine
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 by the end of 2007.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
margarine
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 showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fluctuation in early
years
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 but
then
Linking Words
 dropped drastically in the later
years
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. The
consumption
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 of
butter
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 started during 1981 at around 141 grams , it's
consumption
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 increased around 1986
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 after that it declined considerably over the
years
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around
Change preposition
to around
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 50 grams in 2007.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Margarine
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also
Linking Words
 started with
butter
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 had about 90
garms
Check wording
grams
show examples
 of
consumption
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 in 1981, showed fluctuation over the
years
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 and ended up being the least consumed
spread
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 with 40
garms
Check wording
grams
show examples
 in 2007. Meanwhile,
low fat
Correct your spelling
low-fat
 and reduced spreads started to get consumed many
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 after
butter
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 and
margarine
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, in 1996
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 gained much popularity by showing
drastic
Correct article usage
a drastic
show examples
 surge over the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 and overtook both
butter
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 and
margarine
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 between 1996 and 2001 and
also
Linking Words
 ended up being the highest consumed
spread
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 in 2007

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, butter, spread, years, margarine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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