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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Analyse the two sides of this argument.

The instruction words ‘Analyse the two
sides
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 of
this
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argument
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’ tell us to write down reasons to support and refute the
argument
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. Take your time to read and understand the suggested response below. In
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 present world, the usage of
technology
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 is constantly on the rise. Even classrooms are among the many places that enjoy the usage and benefits of
technology
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. The
argument
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 that
classroom
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teachers
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 will be totally substituted
for
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by
show examples
technology
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 is an
argument
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that is
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 both agreed
and
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with and
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 disagreed with by many. The two
sides
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 of
this
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argument
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 will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in
this
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 essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
Firstly
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, the advancement rate at which
technology
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 is capable of mimicking the physical and psychological abilities of humans is quite remarkable.
For instance
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, the Honda robot Asimov has a movable body and can manipulate objects just as
perfect
Rephrase
perfectly
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 as humans.
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Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
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 the prospect of
technology
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 being used to teach students in the
classroom
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 is considerable.
This
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 is why it can be argued that
classroom
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teachers
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 could be totally substituted
for
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by
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technology
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.
Nevertheless
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, a robotic teacher made with artificial intelligence would lack sufficient control over its
classroom
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 students.
For instance
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, it is widely known that kids need to be thoroughly watched by their
teachers
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 to be sure that they take their classwork seriously and do not fool around when classes are going on. Sadly,
this
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 is a task robotic
teachers
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 will be incapable of carrying out.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear that
classroom
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teachers
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 will never be totally substituted
for
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by
show examples
technology
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. To summarise, the two
sides
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 of the
argument
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 concerning the prospect of robotic
teachers
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 in school have strong support.
However
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, after thorough analysis of both
sides
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,
it is clear that
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 the idea of running a
classroom
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 completely by a machine cannot be supported. It is
therefore
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 predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over
technology
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-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of
this
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,
classroom
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teachers
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 will never be substituted for
technology
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. It is obvious that most areas of the essay remained the same as our
argument
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 essay. The major difference is that we ensured that we did not share our opinion until after analysing both
sides
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 of the
argument
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.

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task response
Task response: You answer both sides and give your view at the end. This fits the task well. But your ideas are a bit short, so the answer is not fully deep.
task response
Task response: Your example about the robot helps, but you need one more clear and real example for the other side too.
task response
Task response: Some claims are too strong, like 'never be totally substituted'. A softer and more careful view would sound better.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Words like 'Firstly', 'Nevertheless', and 'To summarise' help the reader. But do not use too many long lead-in lines.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each body part has one main idea, but the support is a bit limited. Add one more sentence to explain each point more fully.
task response
You discuss both sides of the argument, so you answer the main task.
task response
Your opinion is saved for the end, which is good for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well ordered with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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