IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently attended a conference and you would like to give a presentation in your office about the information you gained by attending the conference. Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter: describe what type of presentation you have in mind what topics it would cover and how long it would take who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted

Dear Mr. Brar, I am writing to propose a presentation, which I would like to deliver to workers in our office.
Last
Linking Words
 week, I attended a conference in the USA, which was
organized
Change the spelling
organised
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 by experts around the globe. The meeting was quite impressive, which provided me with an insight into new perspectives.
Hence
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, I think
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 would be beneficial for our staff.
Moreover
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, not only will I talk about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of teamwork, but I will
also
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 include topics,
such
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 as how good sleep contributes to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 concentration, and time management. The speech would be approximately 30 minutes long. Since the topics are the key to enhancing productivity in every department, I believe that every employee should be encouraged to attend
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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. The main hall located on the first floor will be an ideal place as
It
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it
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 can accommodate up to 46 people. If it is held during working hours, there are more chances that almost all workers will join it. I look forward to your positive consideration. Yours sincerely, Rupinder Kaur.

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task response
For task response: say more clearly what kind of talk it is at the start. You can say it is a short office talk to share what you learned at the conference.
task response
For task response: add one or two clear details about the conference topics, so the reader can see why the talk will help the staff.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: some lines are a bit hard to follow. Keep one main point in each sentence and link ideas in a simple way.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: check small word use like It/it and improve some grammar, because these small errors can slow the reader.
task response
For task response: you answered all parts of the task. You said what you want to do, what topics you will cover, how long it will take, who should come, and where it can be held.
task response
For task response: the tone is polite and right for a letter to a manager.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the letter has a clear opening, middle, and ending.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, so the letter is easy to read.
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