IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that children should brought up in cities.Others believes that countryside offers a better environment for children.discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some would argue that
grow up
Replace the word
growth
 of
instants
Use the right word
institutions
show examples
 should be in the urban areas.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others opine that the environment of
villages
Use synonyms
 is far better for children.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can get open space and clean air in the countryside,
Linking Words
however, i
Correct word choice
I
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 think that they can get multifarious amenities in cities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 study, transportation and
better
Correct article usage
a better
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. On the one hand, in
villages
Use synonyms
brought up of
Correct word choice
where
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children's
Check wording
children
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 can
well
Verb problem
grow up well
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because
Punctuation problem
, because
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who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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are
Verb problem
apply
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spend their childhood
over
Rephrase
apply
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there
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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become very polite because of their grandparents.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they are close to nature because they can get fresh air
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they prefer to live in open
sapce
Correct your spelling
space
.
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Hence
Punctuation problem
Hence,
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 they get less promblems
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 they are related to health or mental.
For example
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, in India, who are living in rural areas
then
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 towns get less
hospitalised
Correct word choice
likely to be hospitalised
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 because of their lifestyle. Owing to
they
Check wording
the fact that they
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 eat healthy and
home cooked
Correct your spelling
home-cooked
 fresh food.
On the other hand
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, I think cities are
more
Rephrase
apply
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better to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 To justify it more, they can get more facilities like
well
Correct word choice
good
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 education and good transportation. Even their parents can find
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 job there
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is beneficial for them
if
Punctuation problem
. If
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 they
earn
Punctuation problem
earn,
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 they can spend on their
children
Check wording
children's
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 education without thinking twice.
Also
Linking Words
, with the help of
transport
Add a comma
transport,
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 they can go anywhere. If
their instants
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can get
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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 they can make their future bright.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, who are living in Delhi
instead
Linking Words
 of
villages
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are getting
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 amount of facilities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they make their future
bright
Punctuation problem
bright,
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 they make their parents proud.
Hence
Linking Words
, towns are preferred by people. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
villages
Use synonyms
 people can get close to nature by spending their childhood there,
yet,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many benefits can be obtained from cities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can be successful over there.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about village and city, but some ideas are short.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your India examples are relevant, but they need clearer explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a simpler order. Some sentences are hard to follow because many linkers are used together.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea and then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use basic linking words correctly, like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Avoid using two contrast words in one sentence.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bring up a child
  • access to good schools
  • health care
  • job chances
  • public transport
  • social skills
  • a wide range of activities
  • clean air
  • low crime
  • open space
  • close to nature
  • peaceful life
  • heavy traffic
  • air pollution
  • high cost of living
  • better quality of life
  • safe environment
  • grow up healthy
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