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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, technological advancement has been increasing more rapidly than ever before, and
consequently
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,
children
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 spend most of their
time
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 watching television or playing video games.
This
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 phenomenon causes harmful effects to
children
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's mental health, as
this
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 essay elaborates.
To begin
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 with, excessive
screen
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time
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 has proven to be detrimental
for
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to
show examples
children
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's development because it increases the risk of feeling alone, depression, and lower self-esteem,
because
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as
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 it reduces the
time
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 they spend playing with their peers. Playing is an essential part of child development because it improves their memories and imagination, which benefits them in processing information and analysing numbers or diagrams.
Furthermore
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, critical thinking and cognitive abilities will be impaired significantly because their focus is distracted
while
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 in learning processes,
such
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 as studying or doing homework, and the result is a lower academic
result
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performance
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey by The Jakarta Post in 2023,
children
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 who spend more than six hours per day on screens have a lower score in math compared to those who do not. To address
this
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 problem, parents have a crucial role in restricting
children
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's
screen
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time
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. By doing so, they will have more
time
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 to play with their friends and carry out other activities that are useful to improve their concentration. The government
also
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 has an essential role to solve
this
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 problem by inculcating awareness of the perilous effects of excessive
screen
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time
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.
For instance
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, the Australian government in 2023 banned social media for those under 16 years old.
This
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 policy is expected to increase
children
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's
time
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 for study and taking courses, which are imperative for their preparation to enter higher education. In conclusion, I contend that parents and the government have crucial roles
to mitigate
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in mitigating
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 the harmful effects of excessive
screen
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time
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 by confining
screen
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time
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 or banning social media for
children
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.

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structure
Be clear on your main idea at once and keep it in the first paragraph. State your view and what you will say in a simple line.
content
Use more specific notes or facts to back each point. Explain how each example supports your view.
language
Use simple, clean sentences. Check for long lines and fix any hard phrasing. Use a few common joining words to show order.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy connectors like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example' to show flow from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check grammar, spelling, and punctuation to be precise. Watch for subject-verb form and missing articles.
stance
Clear view on the issue.
evidence
Use of examples to back points.
organization
Well-structured paragraphs with a clear start and end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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