IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The given bar chart displays the information about the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 five cellphone brands globally from 2009 to 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, Apple
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with Samsung and
ZTE
Punctuation problem
ZTE,
show examples
 showed an upward trend over the period of five
years
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Nokia and LG dropped sharply between 2009 and 2013. In 2009, Samsung started with over 200
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 and continued to
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 in 2011 and 2013 and ended up with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
450
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Apple
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand begin with over 20
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 and rose considerably over the
years
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 peaking around 150
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Nokia started with the highest number of
sales
Use synonyms
over
Punctuation problem
, over
show examples
 400
million
Use synonyms
 in 2009
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 declined sharply over the
years
Use synonyms
 and ended up
approximately with
Correct word order
with approximately
show examples
 250
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
While
Linking Words
 LG in 2009 had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 100
million
Use synonyms
 users but showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward trend over the period of six
years
Use synonyms
, having
sales
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 80
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, ZTE
another
Punctuation problem
, another
show examples
 popular Smartphone brand
sales
Use synonyms
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 slightly over the
years
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 roughly 50
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2009 and 70
million
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
 in 2013

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, years, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
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