In past, people wear clothes that shows their culture. Nowadays people like to wear common clothes worldwide. Is this a positive or negative development?

Wearing cultural clothes back in the day was quite common.
However
Linking Words
, currently everyone
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
to dress
similar
Replace the word
similarly
across the world. I believe
this
Linking Words
situation has both positive and negative results. Each country
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
consists of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
own unique culture
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it is imperative that it is preserved and followed by each generation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when people neglect their own historical outfits, throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
each upcoming generation will not remember nor
they will
Correct word order
will they
show examples
be interested in protecting them.
This
Linking Words
can
also
Linking Words
result in deviating from the original look of the outfit
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of knowledge.
For example
Linking Words
, most Sri Lankan younger generation
is
Change preposition
in Sri Lanka is
show examples
not interested in wearing their traditional wear for local weddings.
Linking Words
Due to
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
Linking Words
reason, tailors are making significant design changes to comply with modern demands.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
development has
this
Linking Words
drawback, it is
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important that what people wear on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis should be comfortable and practical. Most cultural wears are not great at being flexible.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is understandable that most prefer to wear a common attire which provides comfort. A construction worker wearing a traditional Sri Lankan Sarong to work will result in being a workplace hazard
due to
Linking Words
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
restricted movements. In conclusion, a modern society that abandon their cultural outfits can be a negative
cause
Check wording
factor
show examples
in losing
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
own identity for the current and future generations. But at the same time, a positive outcome of
this
Linking Words
scenario is
commonly
Correct word choice
that commonly
show examples
worn clothes
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
people to feel at ease and helps on their
day to day
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
tasks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. You say it has both good and bad sides, but the task asks if it is positive or negative. You should choose one side more strongly.
task response
Add one more clear idea on each side. This will make your answer more full and strong.
task response
Your example about Sri Lankan young people is good, but explain more how this leads to loss of culture.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts can flow better, for example between comfort and world fashion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes. Shorter sentences will help your ideas be more clear.
task response
You answer the topic in every paragraph and do not go off topic.
task response
You give a real example, and this helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to see: bad side first, then good side.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
What to do next:
Look at other essays: