IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In recent years, there has been an increasing debate that
technology
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 has brought
people
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 closer. Other critics claim that the said asset is responsible for breaking
people
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 apart. From my perspective, modern
technology
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 is an incredible tool that makes sharing
people
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's life experiences simple.
To begin
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, several individuals state that the technological change the modern societies are experiencing
,
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 has had a positive impact on their lifestyle. Students who moved abroad to seek better tertiary-education are extremely thankful for the
technology
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, since they are able to stay in touch with their family, friends and relatives.
Similarly
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, adults
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 who are living in a foreign country to search for greater professional opportunities
,
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 have the same attitude towards technological tools. A notable example is the considerable number of foreign
people
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 who video-call their family members in the motherland.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 strongly believe that
this
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 innovation has had the opposite effect. A large proportion of
technology
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 users are young individuals
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 who prefer spending time chatting with
people
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 they are unlikely to meet in real life, on platforms
such
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 as WhatsApp and Instagram.
Consequently
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,
people
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 closer to
such
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technology
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 users are driven far.
Additionally
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, having a face-to-face conversation has significantly reduced
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 over the past decade,
while
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 screen time has substantially increased.
By contrast
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, as an immigrant's daughter, I am convinced that the benefits of
this
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 resource outweigh the drawbacks. In fact,
this
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 unprecedented invention has made it possible to share
people
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's wins and sorrows, despite them living overseas or hundreds of kilometres away. Taking everything into account, the discussed tool has the ability to make
people
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 come together and participate in their success, despite the physical distance.
However
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, it can
also
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 be responsible for leading close
people
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 far.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Explain both sides a bit more, with one more clear reason for each side.
task response
Use examples with more detail, so the reader can see how technology helps or hurts real ties.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are linked well, but some parts feel a bit sudden. Add smoother links between points.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your word use more exact. Some phrases are hard to follow and make the line of thought less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea at the start of each body part, then support it step by step.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use real life examples about students, workers, and your own family background.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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