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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below illustrate the number of journal articles read per week by all students, PhD students, and junior lecturers at an Australian university.

The three pie charts provide key information regarding the
amount
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number
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 of journal
articles
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 read per
week
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 by all
students
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, including
PhD
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students
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 and junior lecturers at an Australian university
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
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 units are measured in percentages.
Overall
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, it is clear from the graph that the highest number of journal
articles
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 readers were
PhD
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students
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,
whereas
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articles
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 that were read by all
students
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 were the lowest.
According to
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 what is shown, 80 per
cent
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 of
PhD
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students
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 have read more than 12 journal
articles
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 per
week
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,
while
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 75 per
cent
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 of junior lecturers have read from 6 to 11 each
week
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
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, 67 per
cent
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 of all
students
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 have read from 1 to 5
articles
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 per
week
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, making it the least amount of journal
articles
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readers
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read
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.
Moreover
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,
PhD
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students
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 only had 5 per
cent
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 of
students
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 who
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 read 1 to 5 journal
articles
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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on the other hand
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, junior lecturers
sole
Correct word choice
apply
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had
1
Rephrase
only 1
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per
cent
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 of
students
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 who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 read 1 to 5 journal
articles
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words articles, week, students, phd, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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