IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Taking risks in both professional and personal life is important. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

We can't deny that
Use synonyms
risk taking
Correct your spelling
risk-taking
 in both professional and personal life is necessary to reach your full potential
an
Change preposition
as an
show examples
 individual
,in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay
we
Punctuation problem
, we
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going
Verb problem
are going
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 to discuss the advantages
as well as
Linking Words
 its
backdraws
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 and
concluding
Wrong verb form
conclude
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 it
by
Change preposition
with
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 my own point of view. On
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 one
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 a person
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 is constantly taking risks , trying new things on a daily basis
trying
Punctuation problem
, trying
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 to get out of his comfort zone ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 call it the bubble .
This
Linking Words
 individual is more
promised
Correct word choice
likely
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 to reach the best version of himself sooner or later
, just
Punctuation problem
. Just
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 the fact that you fail and you keep getting up , you learn from each mistake
regardless
Punctuation problem
, regardless
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you
Change preposition
of whether you
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 keep going.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 my own father didn't finish
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
 and was working a normal job that he wasn't that proud about , but one day he just
took
Verb problem
made
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 the decision
of quitting
Wrong verb form
to quit
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 and
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 all in launching his own business , which resulted
to
Change preposition
in
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 a passive income working for himself .
that
Fix capitalization
That
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 proves how taking
Use synonyms
risk
Check wording
risks
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 is beneficial
On the other hand
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
 taking can seem to be suicidal for other people , because a provider of a family can feel like he is being tied up with his own responsabilities whether for paying rent , feeding his family, providing clothing for them
as well as
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 paying for they school , in that case it feels much overwhelming risking it with all that much of responsabilities on its shoulders .
Thus
Linking Words
, the person
rather
Verb problem
would rather
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 not
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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this
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
 for the sake of
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 of his family In conclusion , people
always
Verb problem
are always
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 going to debate over the positive points and the negative ones. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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risk
Use synonyms
 taking it is more rewarding than not
no
Punctuation problem
, no
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 matter what the
situation
Punctuation problem
situation,
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 because it
unleach
Correct your spelling
unleashes
 your full potential as an individual

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if you think the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are too general and need one more step of support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentence order more controlled. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You answered both sides of the topic and gave your opinion in the end.
task response
You used a personal example about your father, and it fits the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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