IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

The issue of having a
hobby
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly important in today's society. I completely agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should have at least one
hobby
Use synonyms
 regardless of
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 age or gender.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain my perspective. One of the main reasons for having interest is essential is that we can release our pressure from it. Adults need to work more than 40 hours a week,
in addition
Linking Words
 to students
all
Correct pronoun usage
, who
show examples
 spend most of
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
on study
Replace the word
studying
.
This
Linking Words
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
 made
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of pressure from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily
and
Check wording
life and
show examples
 lost the passion
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 life. Since we keep a
hobby
Use synonyms
, we can focus on the area which we
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 love and escape from the
high pressure
Correct your spelling
high-pressure
 life for a short time. Another significant reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 can
connect
Verb problem
build
show examples
 more relationship from recreation. I have heard many colleagues
complainted
Correct your spelling
complain
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 really hard to know new
people
Use synonyms
beside from
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 work or
mobile
Change preposition
through mobile
show examples
 applications. If we have
Use synonyms
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
, we may meet more
people
Use synonyms
 who have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
interest
Check wording
interests
show examples
 as us.
For instance
Linking Words
, my father
has
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
retired
last
Linking Words
 year,
he
Correct word choice
and he
show examples
 joined a
pickle
Check wording
pickleball
show examples
 team in our town. By
this
Linking Words
 ball activity, he engaged some new friends who have
totally
Correct article usage
a totally
show examples
 different background from him. Recently, they not only play
pickle ball
Correct your spelling
pickleball
 but
also
Linking Words
 travel together.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is evident that a recreation can develop a new
relation
Replace the word
relationship
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should keep more
that
Use the right word
than
show examples
 a
hobby
Use synonyms
. No matter dynamic or static
hobby
Use synonyms
, please try to
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 one. Because
this
Linking Words
 is a good way to having work-life balance.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 enhance our mental, physical health and interpersonal relationships.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are good, but a few lines are hard to follow because of grammar mistakes.
task achievement
Support each idea with fuller detail. Your example about your father is good, but the first body part needs a more clear example too.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way. You agree, but you should also say why this is true for children, young adults, workers, and old people.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You use one relevant example about your father, and it helps your point.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same to the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hobby
  • important
  • people
  • ages
  • child
  • adult
  • work
  • life
  • health
  • stress
  • joy
  • learn
  • skill
  • practice
  • focus
  • creativity
  • social
  • friend
  • family
  • time
  • balance
  • routine
  • memory
  • brain
  • move
  • walk
  • read
  • draw
  • music
  • sport
  • club
  • group
  • free
  • easy
  • enjoy
  • try
  • start
  • small
  • example
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