IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both these viewsAnd give your opinion

Some individuals believe that giving
money
Use synonyms
 to teenagers as a present is efficiently way .
However
Linking Words
 ,opponents argue that with
this
Linking Words
 statement.I will discuss both sides
along with
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 my opinion in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 paragraphs.
On the first
Change preposition
First
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, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on their own needs is good
instead
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 of getting
gifts
Use synonyms
 from others .That
to
Verb problem
is to
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 say that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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youngsters want to buy
things
Use synonyms
according to
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 their interests ,but if we give
Use synonyms
gifts
Punctuation problem
gifts,
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 it would not work for them
bacuse
Correct your spelling
because
they want to get ahead
from
Change preposition
of
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 each other in showing their status in
this
Linking Words
 modern era.
As a result
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 ,if we give gift
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
money,
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then
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 they can spend
their
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 on way ,where they need.
For example
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, one survey
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been done on
this
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 statement,in which
survey
Correct article usage
the survey
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most
Verb problem
found that most
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 of the Young
people
Use synonyms
 are happiest
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of having
money
Use synonyms
 as a gift. On the
another side
Check wording
other hand
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,
gifts
Use synonyms
 are the best part of our past life.
This
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 is because,in the past
time
Check wording
,
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people
Use synonyms
 used to give
gifts
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such
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 as watches,clothes and other
things
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.when
Punctuation problem
. When
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people
Use synonyms
 used these
things
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they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 remembered them.
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 if we
will
Wrong verb form
apply
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give
money
Use synonyms
 to young
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people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 they can spend
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
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 illegal
things
Use synonyms
 .
As a result
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,if we
will
Wrong verb form
apply
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give
gifts
Use synonyms
 to
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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then
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 they will remember
this
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 person and
smile
Correct article usage
a smile
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 will come on their faces .
For instance
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,when we see our childhood
gifts
Use synonyms
 which were
gifited
Correct your spelling
gifted
 from our loved
ones
Punctuation problem
ones,
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then
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 automatically we feel happy .
To conclude
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 it,I
don
Correct your spelling
don't
 agree with
this
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 statement because I
thing
Use the right word
think
show examples
 giving
gifts
Use synonyms
 to youngsters is not only good for them
for
Correct word choice
, but
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also
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 best for
remember
Wrong verb form
remembering
show examples
 their special day and loved ones.So, it would be better to give
gifts
Use synonyms
instead
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 of giving
money
Use synonyms
 to them.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why money is good and why gifts are good in a direct way.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more clear. Your survey example is not strong because it has no clear detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph, then add support for it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like first, on the other hand, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some sentences are hard to follow, so make them shorter and simpler.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
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