IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?

In modern society, the question of practical exposure among young individuals alongside theoretical preparation is widely debated.
At
Change preposition
To
show examples
 some extent, I consider the involvement of teenagers in short-term professional activities
having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 a positive impact, providing valuable knowledge and developing useful skills that should help them shape their future career choices.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, exposure to real employment environments
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 adolescents to acquire new skills outside the classroom,
as well as
Linking Words
 guide them through practical examples into a better understanding of their professional future objectives.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the youth
representants
Replace the word
representatives
 can learn the importance of cooperation and the responsibilities associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a full-time adult job.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 opportunity may prevent unsuitable later choices.
However
Linking Words
, it is important that the main focus should still be directed
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 building a strong academic foundation for the younger generation. It is essential that the practical sessions do not affect the productivity of students in schools.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the work needs to be carefully
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
 so that it does not overlap with the lessons and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not put additional pressure on the students.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is encouraged that young and motivated individuals
involve
Wrong verb form
are involved
show examples
 in volunteer activities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might allow them to have a more flexible schedule and, at the same time,
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a positive output in terms of acquired skills and knowledge. Volunteering activities
represent
Correct word order
also represent
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a great environment to communicate, learn working in teams and exchange experience, having a considerable importance if mentioned in the CV. In conclusion, requiring teenagers to gain limited experience in the workplace can be beneficial, enabling adolescents to better understand their potential and make informed career decisions
only
Punctuation problem
, only
show examples
in case
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 the practical side does not negatively impact the learning process
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 still remains a priority for the younger generation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree in the first paragraph and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Develop each main idea a bit more. Some points are good, but they are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and explain it fully before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic for the whole essay.
coherence and cohesion
You show both sides before giving your final view, which helps the reader follow your thinking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: