IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People should only buy food sourced locally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In the modern era, purchasing only locally made
food
Use synonyms
 should be preferred by locals. One of the main benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that it can stimulate the country's economic growth;
however
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can lead to a decrease in
food
Use synonyms
 varieties during different seasons in a year.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one prominent benefit of prioritising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
locally cooked
food
Use synonyms
 is to boost the economy of a country.
This
Linking Words
 is because many people rely on the agriculture sector and small businesses. By purchasing only their products, new jobs can be created, resulting in a stable income.
For example
Linking Words
, exotic
food
Use synonyms
 is hardly seen in Afghanistan because authorities encourage their residents to purchase
local
Rephrase
locally
show examples
 made
food
Use synonyms
 in order to
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 the domestic economy. Thereby, locals should buy domestic ingredients.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the paramount demerit of having only local produce is that it may limit varieties. Certain foods are not produced locally,
due to
Linking Words
 weather conditions in
religions
Check wording
certain regions
show examples
,
making
Wrong verb form
depriving
show examples
 people
deprive
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
of some nutrients
vegetables
Change preposition
from vegetables
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, growing
food
Use synonyms
 is an infeasible task in some states of Canada
due to
Linking Words
 the extreme cold conditions in
winters
Check wording
winter
show examples
. If foods cannot be imported, people will likely experience a scarcity of certain
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, locally cooked
food
Use synonyms
 has some drawbacks.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 purchasing only domestic
food
Use synonyms
 can
boot
Use the right word
boost
show examples
 the economy of a nation, which is one of the main merits of
this
Linking Words
 trend, it can reduce the availability of some foods, which are essential for survival during different seasons.

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task response
Task response: You answer both sides of the topic, so this is good. But some ideas need more full explanation.
task response
Task response: Your main points are clear: local food helps the economy, but it can cut food choice. This fits the question well.
task response
Task response: Your examples are helpful, but one or two feel a bit general or not fully strong. Try to give more real and clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: start, benefit, drawback, end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use link words like 'To begin with' and 'On the other hand' well, but sometimes the flow inside a paragraph is not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar. Use shorter and simpler lines to make the meaning clear.
task response
Task response: You cover both advantage and disadvantage, so you answer the full question.
task response
Task response: Your position stays clear from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each body paragraph has one main idea, which is good for control.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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